Unsupportive Family/Friends

I have gotten less flack about this whole farming thing than I expected… It’s even kinda “trendy” in certain circles and sometimes I feel very undeservingly popular. Even outside those circles, pointing out a few examples of people who are successful makes a strong argument. Ultimately, you aren’t going to be able to change everyone’s mind, but differences of opinion make the world more interesting anyway… A little success changes a lot of minds.

sorry to hear about that. sometimes, i think its just about not having a shared language. when i first had kids, most of my good friends were still into having good times. and they expected us to keep up. couldn’t understand a word you were saying about having kids, cause they had nothing to relate to.
same with keeping and working horses. when you get around to talking about it with friends who ask, the stuff you are saying means nothing because there is no background or shared experience to talk about, and it goes pretty flat pretty quick. so its easy for someone to write you off as a nut, cause you do it differently and they don’t get it.
if you do what you really love to do, as well as you can, nobody can fault you for that. carry on. mitch

What is her investment in this that she has to react this way?

From the other side, be careful that you aren’t judgmental in your tone when you talk about what you are doing. I made that mistake early on. When I’d talk about what we were doing on the farm, my tone was such that I seemed to be saying if you’re not living this way, you’re a bad person. Really caused some resentment with my sister and brother in law for a while. Until one day we all talked it over and gained a better understanding.

The way I see it, it comes down to how you feel about your own choices. If you are comfortable with your choices then you don’t need to get defensive about how others react. When I first started (1986) there were old timers around who had given up horses years ago. They actually took offense at my choice to pick up something they thought was trash. In the long run, I was so sure of my reasoning that I just kept plodding along and didn’t take it personally. Eventually they saw that I was committed, and as I gained capability they learned to accept my choices.

There is always a stunning impact when you find someone, whom you consider to be close, reacting negatively to your own personal choices. We tend to take some personal interactions for granted, and like Mitch says we don’t really think about how our “Language” my be different, even between people who grew up with us.

If you know you are right, and arguing the fine points creates tension, then let it go. Life is too short, and you need to focus on what you are undertaking.

Carl

Or you could just sneak your horse over to poop on her lawn. 😉

As a green teamster and recent moderately successful fulltime small acreage vegetable farmer, in a land I’m a stranger in, but married into, this thread is near to my heart. Naysaying is right up there with hail, frost and broken equipment as far as obstacles to choosing the road less travelled. It’s validating just to know we’re not alone. My latest strategy in dealing with the inevitable incredulity is to avoid discussion of economics, practicality, sustainability, etc. and focus on enjoyability. I like what I’m doing. I want to do it because it pleases me. Can’t argue with that. Then they can witness genuine success: choosing one’s path and sticking to it.

Hi Denise,
I always think of the quote “there’s something about the outside of a horse that’s good for the inside of a man (or woman)”. If draft animal power is your passion and what makes you look forward to each new day, that is enough. Be pleased that you have found your passion – too many go through life without one and may even envy those who have found their own. Lane makes a good point about language and your passion/exuberance for the hinge you love may be interpreted as demeaning to the listener.