About Ole

[LongViewFarm]

Ole heard voices from down in his pond and he went to check and found a bunch of young women skinny-dipping there. They all screamed and went down to the deep end where the water was up to their necks. One of the women shouted, “We’re not coming out until you leave!” The old man said, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked. I came here to feed the alligator.”

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Lena Said, “Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to”… so Ole drove to Duluth.
Lena sent Ole to a sex therapist and Ole came home and went out to the barn and he was singing a love song to his John Deere because the therapist said, “You’ve got to do something sexy to attract her.”

Ole came back to work 15 minutes late. The boss noticed and asked where he had been.
“Getting a haircut.”
The boss said, “On company time?”
“It grew on company time.”
“Not all of it.”
“I didn’t get it all cut off.”

A surveyor came and did a new survey of Ole’s farm in southern Minnesota and discovered that the farm was actually in Iowa, which pleased Ole —- he would never have to go through another of those terrible Minnesota winters!
Ole asked Lena to walk across the lake and get him some snoose from the store. She said, Okay, give me some money. He said, Charge it to my account. She said, Why won’t you give me the money? He said, I don’t know how thick the ice is.

Ole, Lena & Sven are fishing in Northern Wisconsin one summer. Sven accidentally drops his sunglasses in the water and decides to go in after them. After awhile, he fails to come up and Ole & Lena both remember Sven can’t swim. Ole goes in after him and after a bit, gets the body up into the boat. After starting mouth-to-mouth..Ole says “I don’t recall Sven having breath this bad”…To which Lena replies…”I don’t think he was wearing that snowmobile suit either”.

[Mark Cowdrey]

My Favorite:
Ole is on his deathbed. The doctor has told him he has only a few hours to live. He catches the scent of his favorite bars wafting through the air. With all the strength he can muster, he drags himself into the kitchen and sees a fresh pan cooling on the rack. He cuts one out and bites into the scrumptious cookie. Lena comes in, smacks his hand, and says, “Shame on you, Ole! Dese are for after de funeral!”

[Author]

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