did i do the right thing

[reb]

Today I had to do what I thought was a very hard thing. My dog, no my best friend for 11 years had to be put down. Making this decision, and then driving him to the vets, for lack of a better word sucked. I shed tears as my friend took his last breath in my arms, and I asked for his forgiveness.
So that was all hard, but nothing compared to what was to come. We have a four year old son who loved Tripp our dog very much. After his bath tonight my wive and I took him upstairs and talked about how animals and people age and when they are very old like Tripp was they pass on and go to heaven. Abraham our son immediately started to sob asking when he would be back, and why, and saying he didn’t want Tripp to be gone. We all cried together and we told Abraham its ok to be sad and to try and think of all the funny stuff Tripp did.
So now this was just as hard as the first part, but nothing compared to what Abraham would ask me next. “daddy, how long till I die?”
We have always been as honest as possible with him, but I think I screwed up by telling him.
Anyway I just needed to get this off my chest.
Richard

[Mark Cowdrey]

Richard,
I am sorry for your loss. One of our dogs went this past Fall.
I am no judge of the right thing. Time will pass, the circle will turn. Hang in there.
Mark

[mitchmaine]

richard,
very sorry to hear about your dog. but i think you did the right thing with your son. if he grows up knowing you’ll never lie to him, good or bad, then he’ll have someone he can always count on. you.
good luck, mitch

[lancek]

Very good reply john and I second that I had a very similar thing happened to me but with my daughter our dog of 14 years got bit by a rabbied bat and even though he had rabies shots they told me it wouldn’t protect him so being that he also had been suffering with arthritis I thought it best to put him down ! I went home and did the same thing to my daughter and it never effected her in any way other than the original sadness!

[Matthew]

Richard I put my dog down last october and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I never once questioned the decision I knew it had to be done and It was the right thing to. My dog was only 8 and had cancer we had it checked to see if it was treatable and found it wasen’t, so we took him home and he lived a few more months. I would have had to start carrying him up and down the stairs to go outside so we decided to put him down. My kids were 5 and 3 and I told them he was old and I came home and found him dead. I figured at thair age they only needed to know the dog had died and not all the detals of how we did it. Mine ask too about dying and it is hard to explaine to a young child that they will someday too die but not for a long time. I have a couple of steers headed for the freezer next fall and I keep telling my kids that they are for beef and I think they understand. My son has helped me butcher deer since he was about two years old. Thair is a fine line in a childs mind between the truth and having them worry. I know sometimes mine will see something or hear something and not say a word, then ten minutes after going to bed that night call you into thair room to ask a question because they had something they didn’t quite understand sturring in thair minds. Your son will be fine I think it is harder on the adults than the kids because you are dealing with your pain and his. The older they get the more they understand.

[Patrick]

I deal with animal euthanasia, and with their owners, almost every day at work. I have people tell me all the time how much of a lasting effect it had on them when their parents told them lies when they were children about what became of their pets. Things like, it ran away, or went to live on a farm. From what I’ve seen, people think that they’re protecting their children, but when they finally find out, or figure it out, it’s even worse. A lot of times they feel guilt and resentment for not being able to have said goodby. I have seen children who are better able to handle it when another pet dies, and when a close human dies, when they have been honestly prepared from the start. People occasionally ask me to lie to their children, and go along with whatever story they come up with. I refuse, telling them that I can’t do that in good conscience. In those cases, if the children ask me questions, the answers to which are not in line with the parents’ story, I just tell them that they need to ask their parents that. Occasionally there are extenuating circumstances for a parent’s reasons, but often those that I see who have to make up stories are just cowards, trying not to face that difficult day with their children. Denial doesn’t help anyone. Away from work, I see that families which have a practical farm mentality, where they learn that death is inevitable, have an easier time dealing with the death of a close pet or human. If I had a suggestion for people, it would be to talk about death with their children some time before it happens, so that the grief of the moment doesn’t compound the shock of learning of their own or a close human’s mortality. IMO you did the right thing given your circumstances, as hard as it was.

[jac]

Hi Richard.. 1st off sorry for your loss man. I totaly agree you did the right thing.. kids are more resiliant than we sometimes give them credit for. Farm kids probably are harder… i dont like that word.. to death than city kids… i dont mean less caring but more accepting mabey.. Every parent has to face days like you have just had and I firmly believe lying is not the answer… neither is a detailed breakdown of the whole thing…..funnily enough a lot of cartoons carry a good message. The Lion King springs to mind…
John

[Theloggerswife]

Richard…so sorry to hear about the loss of your family pet/friend. Having two children, one being a 4 year old I know what you are dealing with. I really believe the honest approach is the best. It may be hard dealing with the initial reaction, but down the road it gives them an introduction to life and death. I won’t tolerate my children lying to me or others, so I don’t lie to them.

I lost my father at three years ago, he was 60 years old. I felt so robbed by his death that it was very very hard for me to talk level headed about it to my children. My son was 6 months old so he had no clue…My daughter was 7, a much different story. We broke it down simple. Pops is sick and the doctors couldn’t fix him. Where is he now? His spirit is watching over us (we are not religious). The kids are still asking questions about death and we are honest. Once in awhile we will be outside and my four year old son will point to the sky and say “there’s Pops” (the brightest star in the sky). Even after 3 years of healing time, it still makes tears come to eyes.

[reb]

Thank you all for the kind words and a sense of reassurance that I did the right thing. Last night was a very hard one for us, so I was second guessing my every word. Today things seem better. We are all adjusting.
Like I said we have always been honest with Abraham. He knows that for us to be able to eat burger and steaks that cattle need to die, and he understands that we will one day eat the chickens we raise, and daddy hunts deer for food, but when it was our pet it hit real hard for all of us. And I probable wasn’t as strong as I should have been in front of him, so he picked up on my reaction.
I think in the end this will make us closer and hopefully stronger. Again, Thank you all when I logged on this morning and read the responses they lifted some of my guilt.
Thank you,
Richard

[Robert MoonShadow]

@reb 24757 wrote:

And I probable wasn’t as strong as I should have been in front of him, so he picked up on my reaction. Richard

Wasn’t as strong as you should have been?
Sounds to me you were strong; strong enough to show him that its okay to have deep emotions and pain about something you care very much for (the loss of your pet).

[Jean]

Wow, it was a ruff (pun) week for dogs. This is the 4th or 5th dog I have heard about that had to be put down. Mine included. I had to make the decision last Sunday to put down my young dog with a heart problem. He had been doing great for 2 years on the meds, but they stopped working about 1 week before. He was violently sick Saturday and Saturday night. Could not make in live through another night. You are right it is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most humane.

My parents lied to me about what happened to my cats and dogs when I was young. Still hold a grudge about it. Never really trusted them again. You for sure did the right thing.

[Author]

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